I Was Too Focused on the Score — Not the Language

Lately, I’ve come to a realization.

In preparing for this English exam, I’ve been too focused on the outcome. I treated it like a race against time — eager to beat the system before the next reform, anxious to meet the score requirement, and blind to the deeper meaning of learning a language. Somewhere along the way, I forgot the joy.

But English is not just a subject. It’s a way to see the world, to think differently, to connect. I shouldn't reduce it to a hurdle I need to jump over quickly. Especially when the test is something I can take again. What I should be building is not just test-taking strategies, but real, sustainable ability.

In fact, I already have a strong foundation in listening, reading, and writing. But because my speaking is weaker, I’ve been letting it dominate my mood, even my self-worth. That’s neither rational nor kind to myself.

The truth is, my poor speaking ability isn’t a sign of failure. It’s a consequence of how I learned English in the past — focusing on grammar and textbooks, rarely speaking it aloud, never encouraged to use it in real conversations. It’s not because I can’t, but because I haven’t.

So now, I want to shift my mindset.

I want to see speaking practice not as a painful task, but as a meaningful daily ritual. I want to enjoy the process of finding the right word, hearing the rhythm of a good sentence, and gradually becoming more comfortable in this language. I want to treat learning English not as a burden, but as a part of life I actually enjoy.

Putting too much pressure on yourself doesn’t make you improve faster — it often does the opposite. When your expectations are too high and your progress doesn’t match them, you don’t feel motivated; you feel defeated. Instead of growing, you start doubting. You may lose confidence, fall behind, or even give up entirely. That’s why it's so important to be patient and kind to yourself. Progress takes time. Consistency matters more than intensity.

From now on, I won’t let fear or frustration guide me. I’ll speak more, reflect more, and treat this journey not as a test, but as a conversation with the world.